Mrs Finnegan Encounters a Rocky Place and Requires URGENT Assistance

You will want to know how The Book is progressing. Many tell me it is their first thought upon awakening in the morning and their last gauze-like reflection as they CLING to the edges of consciousness before drifting off to sleep at night.

Be assured, The Book is doing well. I write when I am not working, sleeping or eating and I am trying to do as little as possible of all THREE to make up for lost time. (The Mistress need not be informed.)

Alas, last week I was in a fever of words and ink when I made a dire mistake. I FOOLISHLY allowed others to read the re-written chapter on love.
They were MOVED by my alliteration, admired my adverbs and looked fondly on my figures of speech.
BUT they wanted to know why I had not mentioned fans.

Gentle reader, it is because I do NOT believe in them.

I know they exist. The Mistress has a fine mother-of-pearl one decorated with improbable birds and I myself have a neat fan made from lamb bones and hen feathers (although I have yet to find cause to use it. My only social outings are to church where the temperature ranges from crisp to bitter).

It is not their physicality I doubt, but their purpose in courtship. Oh, I am aware that every unmarried girl between the ages of 12 and 30 knows the “rules”.

But does ANY man?
To my mind, they are as oblivious to such subtle forms of communication as an ox is to a well-turned pair of BOOTS.
This may be just as well as an innocent at a dance MIGHT find herself “saying”:
Wait for me
I wish to get rid of you
and
I want to speak with you
when the poor dear is merely bored and a trifle warm.

Ladies, have you EVER revealed your true feelings by the way you hold your fan? AND had a reply?

Gentlemen, have you ever received a message via a FAN? And how did you KNOW it was for you and not the chap standing next to you?

Personally, I believe these “rules” are naught but a marketing PLOY dreamed up by rapacious manufacturers of fans.

I feel certain I would be performing a much GREATER social service if I include instructions on writing a love letter. Would you agree?

Do let me know by putting a comment below or by any other means (other than waving a fan at me in the street).

Finally, my husband Peregrine Hildenbrace would like me to include one of his jovial jests as it will lift the mood and introduce much-needed cheer.

Question
Why is a blacksmith the most dissatisfied of mechanics?

Answer
Because he is always striking for pay.

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