What Mrs Finnegan Discovered Rummaging in the Master’s Drawers

Late spring is the time for tackling those domestic duties you have been putting off which is why myself and a parlour maid peered into the forbidding CACOPHONY that is the master’s chest of drawers. It is a fine piece that polishes up well, but inside! Oh lord, inside is another story entirely.

The Master is not often about which is just as well as he makes the WHOLE house look untidy by walking through the front door. In his drawers I found a mountain of broken fob watches, pipes and snapped quills. There was also a ton of letters (unreadable), a similar quantity of bills (unnerving), and a river of shrivelled silk handkerchiefs (used) which had missed the laundry and were now screwed into the dark corners of THE mahogany interior, plus dry wads of tobacco and sundry chewed playing cards (the Jack of HEARTS had clear bite marks).

But there were also two rather FETCHING items, to wit:

There was a PASSION for these miniatures among the gentry when I was young – around the time the Master and Mistress must have married – and I find them touching. I took one home to show dear Peregrine as I thought he might want a similar delicate watercolour of my left eye. (The right is prone to red veins.) He shuddered when he saw them.

“It would feel as though you were spying on me all the time,” he said and all the SWEET reason in the world would not move my husband. Then he uttered the words that turned me against them as well. “Hasn’t your mistress got blue eyes?”

Questions I have been Recently Asked

What side of the bed is the WRONG side?

The side opposite the side you get in.

What happens if you kick a cat?

1. You get rheumatism
2. You get an ABUNDANCE of mice.
3. You get bad luck. Cats were once worshiped. Common sense says it has to count for something.

How can you stop someone from snoring?

Put an axe under his pillow. (Yes, HIS not yours.)

A SMALL problem with The Regency Town House Newsletter

Subscribers will know that I am regularly mentioned in its august pages and contribute advice and AMUSING quips whenever required. However, in the most recent issue an unfortunate mistake occurred which I now wish to CORRECT.
I have not been unwell. A SIGNIFICANT birthday was not celebrated in the Finnegan household and if it had been it would not have been extremely well celebrated. I was a trifle busy that is all.

Incidentally, you should subscribe, despite this misunderstanding. It BRIMS with interesting articles on history and manners and other subjects to invigorate tired intellects. Also, it is free. Just click HERE

The new butler

I have nothing to add except that Mr Cubbage is still with us. I hardly notice he is there so trivial are his duties.

I have, however, gone off cabbage and can no longer abide the sight of horse hair when it is NOT on a horse.

My Book

I wrote THE END and then crossed it out again as it on the last page so it it obvious I had no more to say. Unlike others, MY book will tell you things you do not ALREADY know.
And it will be in your hands SOON.
I promise.
I hope.

PS

I ADMIT I am a little disappointed that NO ONE (not even Peregrine) has mentioned my change in appearance.

As an author, I have a responsibility to my public and thought I should add a little gravitas, but perhaps I have not gone far enough, perhaps the apron should disappear…

Enter your name – FREE of CHARGE – on my subscription list and you will always be alerted when I put quill to paper PLUS you get extra, added, bonus material NO ONE else sees. Just click HERE