Mrs Finnegan’s Almanac – Offered: a Job Where You are Obliged to Do Nothing

Dear readers, if I had a penny for every time a mention of Kings Road encourages someone to say I remember when it was a dirt track, I would have ENOUGH to buy a new Sunday bonnet.
Whatever it was like 15 or 20 years ago, it is now a very grand road built for carriages and fine horses, straddling the coast from the centre of Brighton to here at Brunswick Square and a little beyond. In ANOTHER century it might stretch as far as Hove village…

By the by, that REMINDS me I’ve heard the hashed venison served for luncheon at this splendid Kings Road establishment is ESPECIALLY good. Mention my name if you happen to go in. (Do you think it is possible that the proprietor is Mr MUTTON? Be discrete when you visit in case it causes offence.)

I observe ladies of all ages riding along Kings Road and, as a non-riding equestrian, I OFFER the following advice:

To sit erect upon your saddle is a matter of great importance. Stooping not only SPOILS your profile but can also cause SERIOUS accidents.

If your horse were to suddenly THROW his head up he might hit you BANG on your nose, depriving you of more blood than you may be able to replace in a good while. Cling onto the horse’s mane if you must, but KEEP a straight back.

Saint of the Week

Not a saint at all in the normal way we reckon such things, as he was NEVER born and cannot die. Also he has wings…
The Archangel Michael — Feast Day September 29

The chief of all the angels, he is the one who drove Lucifer into Hell and also has the JUDGEMENT Day job of weighting up the goods deeds we’ve done and COMPARING them with the bad. There’s a local connection as the old, old church at Stanmer was named after him, as was St Michael’s Mount in Cornwall and Mont-Saint-Michel in France. He is supposed to have appeared in the last two places but I don’t think he’s ever VISITED Sussex.

I would also like to tell you about Tova, Feast Day September 30th. Not someone I would normally mention as there is so little to say, but Michael didn’t take up too much room. Tova was a hermit in Cambridgeshire who was killed by the Danes in the 9th century. And that’s about all there is to say except….Tova was a woman.

I haven’t had a long acquaintance with hermits, but all the ones I’ve heard about until now have been male and THAT thought reminded me of this advertisement.

I don’t have the date for this newspaper cutting or the address of the Grand House that finds itself in want of a hermit, so don’t write in asking. On this occasion you will have to do your own RESEARCH.

However, I have heard of such employment being offered in the last century, and apparently some families still want one in these modern times to decorate a folly (or waterfall). I am thinking that thanks to St Tova there’s NO reason why a woman couldn’t apply. Any female applicant can promise not to shave as loudly as any man and as sincerely. The money is ABOVE the going rate for a TOP housekeeper at the HEIGHT of her powers.

Improve your Vocabulary One Word at a Time

This word is so strange I feel I ought to SHOW you the dictionary entry to establish its credentials.

In Irish STORC means (among other things) a corpse of someone who died in an upright position. And the question I think we all need to ask is WHY? Why have a special word for that. Did it HAPPEN so often? Was a SPECIAL coffin required?
Let me know if you have come across a word that appears in no OTHER language because no one ese has seen a need for it.
It will be an EDUCATION for us all.

Mrs Finnegan is NOT ONLY a consummate Author of Almanacs, but also the housekeeper at The Regency Town House and a wife to Master Peregrine Hilderbrace, riding master (retired). 

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