Mrs Finnegan’s Almanac: Avoiding Flaming Tar Barrels
A clever man solves a problem but a wise woman avoids it. Mrs Finnegan’s Words of Wisdom
The Brighton Bonfire Boys held their own Guy Fawkes demonstration again this year. Apparently over 10,000 watched. I wasn’t one of them, were you?
The Brighton Herald said I missed a very pretty sight:
“It was a complete carnival scene: clowns, pantaloons and harlequins; kings and courtiers; highwaymen and smugglers; soldiers and sailors. Lighted up by tar-barrels, fire balls, and coloured port fires, the procession promenaded the inner walk of The Level…”
It’s the flaming tar barrels I can’t stand. The men say they have PERFECT control of them but it goes against NATURE to meet one rolling down a street without SCREAMING.
My husband Master Peregrine, never ONE to miss an opportunity to display his extensive (excessive) knowledge tells me that the popularity of said equipment MIGHT have something to do with the man who ran the brewery in Black Lion Street who was FORCED to stand in a barrel of pitch while he was burned alive. I was trembling like a calf’s foot JELLY in July until he added that it happened back in 15-something-I’ve-forgotten under bad old Queen Mary. Poor Deryk Carver’s crime was being protestant when it had (temporarily) gone out of fashion.
This year’s celebrations were quiet compared to the past. I’ve been told (by you know who) that when fireworks were banned in 1817 no notice was taken so infantry men CHARGED the crowd on the Steine with FIXED bayonets. In the muddle and dark a peace officer was hurt and died of his injuries a few days later.
AND it was only 11 years ago that there was a serious commotion in Brighton when a tar barrel was set ALIGHT and knocked down a police officer in North Street. Since then they have been confined to the The Level for which I am extremely grateful. Although for safety’s sake, I still confine myself to Brunswick Square on November 5th. I can’t imagine anything UNRULY happening here, can you?
SAINT OF THE WEEK St Albert Feast day November 15th
Patron saint of: scientists, medical technicians, philosophers, schoolchildren and theology students (and clever men – that’s my own designation)
A bishop in the 13th century, he was called Albert the GREAT because of his prodigious learning. He wrote enough to fill 39 encyclopaedic volumes on such subjects as:
Never throw a cup of tea in a man’s face unless his beard is on fire Mrs Finnegan’s Words of Wisdom
Improve your Vocabulary One Word at a Time
The word this week is éclaircissement meaning an enlightening elucidation that explains what has hitherto been obscure or inexplicable or of no interest whatsoever. It is a word I often use in conversation with Master Peregrine
Mrs Finnegan is NOT ONLY a consummate Author of Almanacs, but also the housekeeper at The Regency Town House and a wife to Master Peregrine Hilderbrace, riding master (retired).
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1 would recommend Earl Grey, the beard conflagration would be instantly doused and what remains of said beard would emit the pleasing odour of bergamot. That being said if you are concerned about the social status of the unfortunate beard owner you might throw some Lapsong, or just PG Tips as the case may be.
Mrs Finnegan wholeheartedly approves, although she wonders what PG Tips might be. Some exotic tea from the orient that is popular in fashionable circles perhaps? She will mention it to the mistress. Mrs Hankey always likes to keep up with the latest trends.
BRIDGET WHELAN writer 
Times sure have changed. Don’t really get that many tar barrel accidents these days. Good thing too.
Mrs Finnegan is relieved to hear it.
1 would recommend Earl Grey, the beard conflagration would be instantly doused and what remains of said beard would emit the pleasing odour of bergamot. That being said if you are concerned about the social status of the unfortunate beard owner you might throw some Lapsong, or just PG Tips as the case may be.
Mrs Finnegan wholeheartedly approves, although she wonders what PG Tips might be. Some exotic tea from the orient that is popular in fashionable circles perhaps? She will mention it to the mistress. Mrs Hankey always likes to keep up with the latest trends.