Mrs Finnegan’s Almanac: Never Take a Knife to a Muffin

To talk without thinking is almost as bad as shooting without aiming
Mrs Finnegan’s Words of Wisdom

A letter has flooded in asking for advice on the social GRACES. In particular, the reader wanted to know how to make an impression when in company. These two case studies show how to turn a conversation to your advantage. Bear in mind though, it is an art, not a science.

How to Make an Impression in Conversation I

THE WEATHER

It is often said that we should be grateful in these islands that we can experience 47 different types of weather in a day as it means we always have something to talk about. I had the last word on the subject in a gathering* of Brunswick Square housekeepers yesterday

When her at Number 59 said it was a bit nippy, I remarked casually that the smoke was hanging sluggishly above the chimney-tops as if it lacked the COURAGE to rise; the rain was falling doggedly as if it didn’t have enough spirit for a proper downpour while the sighing of the wind bore a strong resemblance to the moans of a dying man.

She didn’t have anything to add to that, although Master Peregrine did when I repeated it at home.

“Better the chill blast of winter, my dear, than the hot breath of a pursuing elephant.”

He said it was Chinese proverb he had heard on his travels. To my knowledge, the NEAREST he’s been to the Orient is Eastbourne.

How to Make an Impression in Conversation II

FOOD

It was the same housekeeper at Number 59 who started a discussion with the apparently innocent question: what’s the difference between a muffin and cake? (To protect the participants’ identity I have attached fake names to real housekeepers.)

“No difference!” declared Mrs Hairy Tweed from Number 63. We ignored her.
“A good muffin is more bread roll than cake, though it is neither,” opined Mrs Knicker-bocker and we conceded she had point.
Mrs Sage said, “They have pretty much the same ingredients, but cakes have less flour and liquid and more fat, eggs and sugar than muffins.” There was a group nodding of heads.

I VENTURED the controversial view that the REAL difference was something no one had yet mentioned: the muffin’s inability to SURVIVE the knife. Puzzlement on all faces, I had to say more.

“Are we agreed that the only decent thing to do to a muffin is toast it?” The group nodded. “Treat it properly and a muffin will reveal a honeycombed centre as soft as a pillow, but only if it is torn apart by hand.” There was a GASP as I pushed the point by quoting directly from the book that has become a bible for cooks, housekeepers and upwardly ambitious maid servants

“…don’t touch them with a knife, either to spread or cut them open, if you do they will be as heavy as lead…”

The Art of Cookery Hannah Glasse 1747

I left at that moment, knowing that the last word on muffins had been uttered.

Saint of the Week

St James of the Marches Feast Day November 28th Patron Saint of Naples

I don’t know what to make of this one.

This story takes us back to 15th century Italy. St James was a Franciscan priest who came from a poor family. Soon after his ordination, he was appointed to the Inquisition who were investigating the Fraticelli. These were Franciscans who had broken away from the main community because of arguments over poverty. The Inquisition meant business. It ordered Houses to be destroyed and priests to be burnt at the stake.

Then the Inquisition started to investigate St James. It caused a great sensation at the time. No decision was made about who was right or wrong (that we know of) and all parties had to remain silent on the matter. Two hundred and fifty years later he was made a saint. I’ve heard of poachers turned gamekeepers but this seems to be the other way round.

All I can say is that if there was a novel based on St James’ life I would certainly glance at it

Improve your Vocabulary One Word at a Time

The word this week is one you already know – MUSHROOM, a type of fungi known to push itself out of the dark, damp earth towards the light…
It’s the name given to someone of low birth who doesn’t keep to their proper station in life, most often applied to a social climber who has wealth but no breeding.

The Good Old Days

Were neither Good or that long ago…
The duty of an almanac is to remember the past as well as prepare readers for present day challenges. With that in mind I go back ELEVEN years this month.
The radical journalist William Cobbett talked to a young farm labourer in Rogate village, near Midhurst, and discovered that many single men like him had to exist on handouts from the Overseer of the Poor. This amounted to seven pence a day, paid six days a week, which was just enough to feed him from Monday to Saturday, but there was no allowance for clothes, washing or lodging and Sundays he went hungry. Cobbett wrote about it in his book Rural Rides.

And it is only SIX YEARS ago in November 1830 that Swing riots broke out across Sussex. The name came from threatening letters sent to landowners signed by “Captain Swing”, a reference to rioters being hanged.

Over in Firle, farm labourers persuaded local landowner Lord Gage to increase their pay, but JOY was short-lived. Within weeks wages were lowered again.
In Horsham around 1,000 men demanded the local magistrates to raise their wages to 2s 6d per day. They refused. In all there were 145 Swing disturbances in Sussex.

William Corbett was put on trial for seditious libel, but WON his case. Of the men arrested in the Sussex Weald nine were sentenced to death while 457 were transported to Australia. Another 400 men received prison sentences to be served in England.

And that was not the end of that – if you are thinking about poverty and discontent in the countryside -but Sussex has been quiet since.

A melancholic note to end on but can I ask a FAVOUR gentle reader?

* I need a COLLECTIVE noun for housekeepers. We have a fleet of ships, a swarm of bees, and a colony of ants. There are a troupe of actors and a glitter of generals. (It’s all those medals they wear.)
There REALLY should be one for housekeepers

Mrs Finnegan extends a WARM Christmas invitation to you all.

Visit The Regency Town House on Saturday 9th December between the hours of two O’ clock and six O’ clock. There will be tea and VERY good cake, entertainment and bonnets to try on, dresses to view, wonders to behold and other historical characters to meet.
AND
Mrs Finnegan will be there to greet you, exchange pleasantries and demonstrate the art of conversation in person…
There is no charge to visit The Town House. Come for five minutes or all afternoon.
Bring your children, your dogs, your housekeeper.
Here’s a picture of Mrs Finnegan so you can recognise her