A Title! A Title! Mrs Finnegan is Quite Overcome

You will no DOUBT, dear reader, recall that some weeks ago I asked you to suggest a title for my forthcoming book.

There were THREE choices:

(A) A Housekeeper’s Homely Homily

(B) The Brighton Guide to Life, Love and Laxatives

(C) Head, Heart, Hearth: Mrs Finnegan Knows it All

And you voted, you dear, good people! You queens among women and princes of men! Well over a hundred of you TROUBLED to vote and it has taken this long to count them all. The result is now in and with no more ado I can announce the winner:

The Brighton Guide to Life, Love and Laxatives

Was it MY personal favourite? Now that would be telling, but there is a special corner of my heart for the kind and quick-witted souls who voted for C.
Moreover, there is a special place in that special corner for the the ones who added that Mrs Finnegan is a great know it all and therefore it was undoubtedly the MOST appropriate title.
With humility and gratitude I thank you.

Nevertheless the Brighton title will serve very well and is perhaps better suited to a serious book which will soon be in libraries across the land…the very thought has spurred me on to write with a FURY I did not know I possessed.

My quill scratches the paper like a workhouse dog scratches for fleas. The ink flows like a waterfall and my thoughts tumble…like something that tumbles quite a lot.

Turning now to more weighty matters…

I have just discovered in a very learned book by the great writer Anon (who I assume to be a long-lived woman) that a TONGUE can show the owner’s true nature.

A LONG tongue means frankness of speech which I applaud, generally, but also reveals a rattler, a chatterer, someone who talks so much they have enough tongue for two sets of teeth.

A SHORT tongue indicates deceit.

A THIN tongue belongs to the studious type.

The owner of a THICK tongue has a generous nature.

A LONG and THICK tongue heavily suggests an irresponsible individual.

A LONG and THIN tongue may well belong to a liar.

Beware a POINTED tongue. The owner is clever, oh yes, but she or he is also shuffling, slippery, shifting rascal.

It occurs to me that perhaps the REASON doctors pay so much attention to tongues is because they want to check on the likelihood of getting paid as well as on the health of their patient.

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