Mrs Finnegan Discovers 23 Ways Not To Die

As a service to readers I have made a CAREFUL study of advice handed down over the ages from those who have GONE before.
Some old saws and superstitions I have discarded as being no longer applicable to the modern era, others were too robust for our sensitive tastes while yet others were pain silly. This is what remains.

1. Do not take ashes out of the fireplace between Christmas and New Year’s Day (WHATEVER the Mistress says).
2. Never place a broom on a bed.
3. Close umbrellas BEFORE bringing them into a house.
4. Do not wash clothes on New Year’s Day (see number 1).

5. Never wash a flag.
6. Don’t TURN a chair on one leg.
7. Do not rock an empty rocking chair.
8. Never serve 13 at a table.
9. Never return borrowed salt (which MUST mean it is unlucky to lend salt as you never get it back).
10. Do not cross knives while laying a table.
11. Do not look over another’s shoulder into a mirror.
12. Avoid having a haircut in March UNLESS it is a social disgrace to remain unshorn (men only).
13 Do not let two people comb your hair at once. (I FAIL to understand how that situation could arise.)
14. Do not use a dead man’s RAZOR.
15. Do not try on a mourning veil or any other garment, not even when a death is imminent.
16. Avoid wearing new shoes to a funeral.

17. If walking in a funeral procession behind the coffin, do not look BACKWARDS.
18. Try not to step across a grave.
19. Try not to sit with your back to the fire.

20. Never whistle in a coal mine.
21. Do not kill a crow. However, if you do, give it a PROPER funeral and wear mourning. Crows have to be taken seriously.
22. Avoid stepping over a person who is lying down (for ALL kinds of good reasons).
23. When your name is called, don’t answer the first time as it may be the Devil calling. (O! fiddlesticks and Sidcup frying pans! This I DO NOT credit. As if the devil wouldn’t have the wit to call twice if he wanted to make your acquaintance. If you are a servant it may be better to meet the devil than face the wrath of the Mistress or the Housekeeper who has been forced to call you more than once.)

Complying this list was a mammoth task but I can SEE now I need a new Number 23. Can you suggest something?

Don’t stop there! Please feel free to add 24, 25, 26…

It is our duty to create an overflowing well of common knowledge where the SALMON of wisdom can swim free, our thirst for instruction is quenched and we are blessed with (I shall think of something appropriate to end that sentence by and by, but for the moment my imagination is flagging.)

oooOOOooo

You want to know how the book is progressing? The one I’m writing?
Splendidly.
Wonderfully well. Flying along in majestic fashion.
It is quite the most SUPERLATIVE thing I have ever done.

Mrs Finnegan is the Housekeeper at The Regency Town House. Sign up to her FREE subscription service.

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