Mrs Finnegan and the New Butler get “acquainted”

In my last missive, I mentioned – in passing – that the new butler had arrived. Mr Cubbage.

Many have written asking what happened at our introduction. I DON’T know why you are bothered with such trivials, but I am not one to deny my faithful following.

He said, ‘Mrs Finnegan, I presume. Your reputation goes before you.’
I was in equal measure pleased, he had heard of me, and appalled, reputation for what? This was quickly followed by confusion when he added: ‘as no doubt my reputation goes before me.’

Well, I mean, who had EVER heard of a Cubbage? I am not entirely certain it is a proper name. It sounds more like schoolboy whimsy. I did not wish to appear rude, but felt OBLIGATED to press for more information.
I pulled myself up to my FULL height and addressed the third button on his jacket. ‘I have a reputation for what, exactly?’

He seemed taken aback and WAVED his hand around as though he was tickling the air.
He said, ‘Ah, um, your general abilities.’ He hesitated and then added, ‘in the dust collecting field.’
I had the presence of mind to ask, ‘And your fame rests on…?’ I may have even arched an eyebrow at this point, but he was not a man to be deterred and launched an UNNECESSARILY long explanation.
‘When one has had the honour to butler for the lower ranks of the nobility, high churchmen and learned academics one acquires a certain stature without the least effort on one’s own part…’

There may have been more on this theme, but I cannot be sure as I had a sudden NEED to study my reflection in the well-polished silverware.

My DUSTING abilities!
It is many a long year since I have dusted anything. I manage those who dust. I observe their work, I inspire them. I do NOT take up a duster myself.

I did not, however, wish our first meeting to end on a SOUR note so I put my head on one side and smiled a winning smile (which I think is my best look*), said that I was sure we would establish an excellent working accord and asked his full name.

He said he had a firm rule not to indulge in informalities with the staff.
I told him I was of the same mind and waited. He was silent. I was silent.

Dear readers, old Cabbage-whiskers regards me as staff! The man is insufferable and as for what he wears on his head, all I can say is HORSE HAIR!

oooOOOooo

On another matter entirely, here is my ADVICE to you this week.
Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Follow my example, pick one person and blame them for everything.

oooOOOooo

Turning now to a delicate subject, I would be grateful for your assistance. When an author puts the word LAXATIVES in the title of their soon-to-be-published advice book do you think the reader would expect guidance on purges and other such unsavoury matters? And would they ask for their money back if they didn’t get it?

*Master Peregrine, my husband, disagrees and says I am most fetching when asleep. Dear, foolish man, he does not realise that since childhood, I have slept with my head under the covers and it is a habit I cannot break myself from.

Do NOT miss the next revelation from the housekeeper of The Regency Town House. Expect domestic upset and impending NEWS of a book about to go to the printers.
Just click HERE and you’ll get a gentle nudge on the morning it is published. Not too early. The footman doesn’t go out until the streets are well-aired.