BRIDGET WHELAN writer

Muse, News and Views

Idiots Guide to Writing Sex Scenes (Dirty, Erotic Language)

romanceCringe worthy and LOL funny…every written a sex scene? Ever written one like this?

Legends of Windemere

After seeing Ionia’s post about sex and romance while reading a book that had a surprising amount of genitalia attention, I’m tempted to make fun of sex scenes.  I’m a weak-willed person, so here we go with ‘Rules to Make a Sex Scene’.

  1. Refer to sweat at least twenty times.
  2. Nibbling can be done on any body part and be a turn-on.  Yummy elbows.
  3. Bouncing must be the most common action word.  Jiggling doesn’t have the same effect.
  4. The woman always notices the weight of the guy when she’s on the bottom.
  5. The man never notices the weight of the woman when she’s on top.
  6. Woman on top equals goddess and woman on bottom equals angel.
  7. Every character is a pornstar level pro at oral sex.  Doesn’t matter if they’re a virgin.
  8. Both characters must have a moment where they’re surprised they’re having sex.
  9. Use at least 4 terms to…

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This entry was posted on July 8, 2013 by in Muse and tagged , , .
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