Fortune Telling of the unscrupulous kind plus a young man eager to marry for money…ADVICE of unsurpassed excellence from the 1830s
Mrs Finnegan’s Chronicles: the Celebrated Authority in affairs of the HEART and HOUSEHOLD MANAGEMENT staying indoors at The Regency Town House
By reading the moles on my face an old woman at a FAIR foresaw many bad arguments with my family. She had various potions that would prevent the dangers that lie ahead but, alas I had no more money to invest.
Doomed of Hilly Lane, Hanover
I don’t have to look at your face to know that the rows with your family would have been TERRIBLE in their noise and LONG in duration had you been foolish enough to throw more money into the hand of that old lady. When seeking advice from any fortune teller you should ask yourself if they have anything to gain from their prediction…let that thought sit with you awhile .
I will just mention that my reputation as a reader of tea leaves is growing and I have INTERNATIONAL TESTIMONIALS from New York in our former American colonies, Ottawa in our Canadian colonies and London, the beating heart of the mercantile world.
If you happen to be a member of the TWITTER CORRESPONDENCE circle and can send me an etching (see below) I can show you how such things should be done for NO MONETARY FEE whatsoever.
I merely ask for a few words of commendation and phrases such as towering intellect and unsurpassed in her generation and marvellously accurate may sprint to mind.
Although only 18 summers I have the chance to make a marriage of great advantage to myself. The young lady in question is charmed by my comely appearance and manly bearing. Should we wait until I have finished my apprenticeship? She can provide for us both in an adequate fashion.
Eligible of Elm Grove, Brighton
I don’t say that marriage for anyone under the age of 25 is DOOMED to DISASTER, but I will say that it is flying along in that general direction. And that is especially true if one party has some material wealth and the other only possess a good portion of CONCEIT and a liking for their own reflection in the mirror.
Yours respectfully
MRS FINNEGAN
P.S. Housekeeper in lockdown? A schedule is vital. Aim to start cleaning first thing in the morning, straight after doing a few things that take a little longer than expected, so it’s probably more effective to have an early lunch and then really get down to it later, after a nap.
P.P.S. Even strong-minded women with bountiful inner resources such as myself find isolation a trial. Just the words “send the soup immediately to the table” are enough to bring me to tears. No soup. No table. No need for immediacy. It’s just me, the kitchen and a plate of cold stew.
P.P.P.S Another letter from the mistress has arrived. It sits on the hall table like a tiger waiting to pounce. I dare not open it.
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This is a regular feature created and written with Paul Couchman, The Regency Cook
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