BRIDGET WHELAN writer

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Brighton’s Regency Housekeeper Makes SHOCK ANNOUCEMENT after Advising on Fish and Young Love

In honour of St Valentine Mrs Finnegan has chosen a bouquet of LOVE LETTERS to share with her loyal READERS . For the time being at least, she remains the leading light of her generation as HOUSEKEEPER at The Regency Town House but after today’s revelation who can tell what the FUTURE will hold…

WARNING: If prone to fainting this week’s Chronicle is best read in the company of a responsible adult

I CATCH FISH, my dad catches fish, my grandad catches fish and my mum sells fish. Yes, we are a fish family.
I have met a young lass who I would like to get to know better but I stink of fish, my whole family stinks of fish. I think I am destined only to be in the the company of other stinking fish folk.
And yet Rose – yes, the young lass is named after the most delightful of scented flowers – is everything to me.
Fetid Freddie of Fishersgate

Mrs Finnegan replies

You do NOT stink Freddie.
You smell of hard work. Your family SMELLS of hard work. You do an important job and do not allow anyone – not even the DELIGHTFUL Rose – make you ashamed of it.
PS
It would be a good IDEA to bathe before meeting with Rose. Wash your hair as well.
The night BEFORE hang your best clothes outside your bedroom window to air .
Scrub your hands before you meet. Clean UNDERNEATH your finger nails.
PPS
Put lavender in your pockets


PPPS
Don’t invite Rose to YOUR home until there is a FIRM understanding between you (perhaps after the CHURCH is booked)
PPPPS
How old ARE you?

OUR COOK has told me about you. She says you are wise and might be able to help.
My name is Will. It was Bill but I changed it because I have a stammer, especially with words starting with B.
One of my jobs is to collect orders from the butcher and I’ve fallen in love with Bertha Burton, the butcher’s daughter who takes the money in the shop. I think she likes me too. She gives me beautiful shy smiles.
I would love  to take her for a walk but cannot say her name.
Should I forget her and look for a Susan or a Jane?
Woeful Will from Wokingham

Mrs Finnegan replies

Do not LET this small hurdle get in the WAY of love.
Choose a QUIET moment and gaze into her eyes. There’s no need to SAY her name. She will know you are TALKING to her.
Later you can fall BACK on the old faithful terms of endearment. No one in the HISTORY of the world has BEEN offended by a beau calling them My Dear, Darling or SWEET Cheeks. (But NOT on your first WALK.)
Later still you can invent your OWN special name for her. She looks RATHER winsome in the portrait you sent so, perhaps Winnie?
PS
I’ve had another look at the sketch. Wait until LATER before you ask her out. Five years is PROBABLY about right.

A YOUNG GENTLEMAN stole a kiss on the way back from Evensong.
Ursula Uncertain from Uxbridge

Mrs Finnegan replies

Is this a boast or a request for advice?

Yours in ernest sincerity
Mrs Finnegan

PS

I KNEW what the future HELD for me.
Debts.
Creditors KICKING my door.
Shame. Disgrace. PENURY.
The WORKHOUSE if I was lucky.
Prison if I was not.
An early death. An unmarked GRAVE.

Readers WEEPING.


A public subscription raised in my HONOUR.
An ANGEL erected. A vision of MELANCHOLY in marble.

And all because of that ODIOUS man who is masquerading as the late Mr Finnegan. Last week I told you of the goods he bought on credit with the bills addressed to me. NEARLY £5 worth!

Fortunately I was not on MY OWN. Those two stalwarts of integrity, THOSE champions of rectitude were at my SIDE, namely Master Peregrine of 61 Brunswick Square and Mr Owen Merryweather Talbot of I’m-not-entirely-sure-where.

They were INCENSED before, but now a righteous anger burned in their chests on my BEHALF. I was touched by their concern AS THEY sprung into action.

Master Peregrine reached for a quill and BEGAN sharpening the point.

Merry punched the air and shouted, “My God I will have him!” and immediately apologised for the profanity of his language.
Although still red in the FACE, his temper somewhat abated as he asked me to sit DOWN as he had TWO MOST important questions to ASK.
I did as I was TOLD although timorous at the thought of what he may say.
“Are you sure BEYOND any shadow of a doubt, certain in every organ of your body that he CANNOT be Mr Finnegan?”
“I am,” I said.
He nodded and seemed satisfied with my ANSWER but when I attempted to rise he bade me resume my seat.
“Why are you so very certain?” He looked down at me. “Think carefully.”
I gazed up at Merry, the butler-for-hire and shadowy shop owner, and then across at Master Peregrine, the retired riding master.
What to say?
How to phrase it?
“Because…” I took a deep breath. My voice shook like an old cart rattling over cobbles.

“Because there is no Mr Finnegan. There never was.” I hung my head.
“I am not a widow. I am a spinster.”

MRS FINNEGAN is a regular feature created and written by Bridget Whelan with a host of volunteers at The Regency Town House, readers and subscribers. This week a big thank you to Jan Thomson and Jill Vigus
Click HERE to SIGN UP FOR A SPECIAL MESSENGER SERVICE that will alert you to the arrival of the next EXCITING episode of The Finnegan Chronicles ENTIRELY FREE OF CHARGES, TAXES and TIPS.

Is Miss Finnegan’s position at The Regency Town House safe?
Will she be ABLE to hold her head UP in Brunswick Square? Find out NEXT WEEK

3 comments on “Brighton’s Regency Housekeeper Makes SHOCK ANNOUCEMENT after Advising on Fish and Young Love

  1. Sarah Waldock
    February 15, 2022

    Definitely time to publicly repudiate his debts; it’s quite legal, and one sees it in the newspaper fairly often, usually a man repudiating his wife’s debts.

    • bridget whelan
      February 15, 2022

      Good advice – I shall pass it on to Mrs F (perhaps I have to call Miss F from now on)

      • Sarah Waldock
        February 15, 2022

        Oh, Mrs. is a courtesy title for a woman in such a responsible position. I don’t think anyone can refute it!

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This entry was posted on February 15, 2022 by in Mrs Finnegen ADVICE from the 1830 and tagged , , , .
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