Men. Men! MEN! That is all Brighton’s Regency Housekeeper has to Say on the Subject (almost)

Confidante to the great and the GOOD, as well as the confused, Mrs Finnegan administers advice while ALSO tending to her duties as housekeeper at THE REGENCY TOWN HOUSE 

DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE for dealing with my husband (currently my only servant)?

He refuses to carry out a single household chore to my exacting specifications.

Sorely Vexed from Ventnor

Mrs Finnegan replies

It is foolish to ANTICIPATE the same benefits from a marriage partner as one receives from paid staff.

Of course, this only applies to husbands. A wife is expected to do a good deal MORE than paid staff for less money, in less time and by the simple process of reading her husband’s thoughts even when away from home.

However, I BELIEVE the best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest they are too old for the task.

MY HUSBAND INSISTS he can’t sleep if the bedroom window is shut but I can’t sleep if it is left open.

I’m at my wit’s end. Whatever shall we do?

Wilma Wimple

Mrs Finnegan replies

If you are of modest means, wait until he falls asleep before getting up and closing the window. WAKE in the morning before he rises and open it again. You get what you want AND he thinks he gets what he wants.

If you enjoy a substantial income, my dear THE ANSWER is obvious. Separate bedrooms

PS

After reading the above INSIGHTFUL replies you may be surprised to learn that if I were to live as LONG as good King George (the one with the unfortunate headaches) I still would not understand men.

They are complex, wayward creatures and what is WORSE they act like there is a tax on words. Any SENSIBLE woman tells you what she thinks, why she thinks it, what a mutual friend thinks and why she has changed her mind since last Tuesday.

Men say nothing. You are EXPECTED to know.

At least I have all the details of the dog-napping clear in my mind and I must say Master Peregrine comes out of it RATHER well.

Once a five give guinea reward was offered for the return of the dog and a further five for the prosecution of the culprit Merry was doomed. A conk was bound to inform on HIM sooner rather than later. (I believe that is the correct term. I got it from the stable lads.)

Any why not?

Had he not sunk to the depths of iniquity to become a buff-nabber? (A dog thief, again the stable boys were helpful here, although I do wonder why they are so familiar with such terms.)

But I do not believe Merry is beyond redemption. Indeed, I suspect this BRUSH with the dark side will ENSURE he cleaves to the virtues of honesty and hard work from now on.

I am glad Master Peregrine saved HIM from himself and the fact that the PAIR of them came out of it forty two shillings better off seems to me no GREAT harm.

Although I am rather put out with Master P at the moment. We met in Brunswick Square and had an ANIMATED discussion about the merits of the traditional besom broom as compared to the outlandish American broom which is FLAT!

He has seen one in the window in a shop in Castle Square and is most taken with it.

We then discussed our favourite places and I confessed a great fondness for the Chain Pier and he spoke of watching cricket on the Level and such like and so we parted, but not before arranging to meet in town. I believe he wanted me to try out foreign cleaning equipment before MAKING a purchase (to impress a new housekeeper perhaps).

I was in Castle Square at the appointed time and WAITED. And waited.

I am a patient woman as all WILL tell you, but it was exceedingly chilly and the cold penetrated to the whalebone of my corset.

I waited some more, but eventually returned home MOST put out only to discover a DISGRUNTLED Master Peregrine at my door. Where, he wanted to know, had I been.

Where I was supposed to be, I retorted and it turns out he had been waiting on the Chain Pier where to my certain knowledge there is no household shop and never has been. No pedlars either. In fact I do not BELIEVE a broom has ever been near the Pier since its construction.

He said he thought we could have had a walk along the Pier and watch the sun setting over the SEA

Men! Can you fathom them? IT’S NOVEMBER

MRS FINNEGAN is a regular feature created and written by Bridget Whelan with a host of volunteers at The Regency Town House, readers and subscribers. This week a big thank you to @TheScribblerCMB and Wilma

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