What to do when the Weather is a trifle above Mild…Sensible Advice from Mrs Finnegan
THIS IS A WARNING to all readers who may not be aware that in the summer prolonged exposure to the OUTSIDE can lead to drab BROWNING of the skin. It can turn anything from the colour of an angry boil to a shade reminiscent of lightly braised cockroach.
Indeed, it is my belief that the more refined the individual the more likely exposed areas of skin are in danger of actual burning. Imagine my surprise therefore when I observed yesterday that the BACK of Cubbage’s neck (our butler, do keep up) was as red as a turkey’s wattle. Redder. This being after his first half day off in a month.
I do not know what activities he PURSUES when away from Brunswick Square*, but he really ought to follow my example and not voluntarily go out of doors between the hours of 9 and 6 from May to September except for attending church services, performing good works and burying the dead. I have yet to hear of anyone bursting into flames, but why take the risk?
If you MUST go out wear gloves, carry a parasol and cultivate the acquaintance of tall people so you can walk in their shadow. Elderflower water has MANY excellent qualities, not least its ability to lighten the skin, so wash in it in liberal quantities. (I have a recipe but as the elderflower season has just passed I will save it for next year.)
*I once overheard him hum an air from Berlioz in the servants’ hall so I fear the worst. Yes, dear readers, Cubbage may be musical.
Laws of Nature
There are certain things you cannot fight against and it is best to recognise them and not waste energy in the HEAT struggling against the inevitable.
Dogs love you the most when they are wet. They ADORE you when they are muddy.
A dress is easier to get into than it is to get of it.
It always takes longer than you think even when you remember this maxim and double the time allocated to the task.
Other Useful Things To Know – How to get rid of Corns
Take two ounces of gum ammoniac,
two ounces of yellow wax,
six drams of verdigris.
Melt them together over a low heat and spread the mixture on a SMALL piece of soft leather, or if that is not available a piece of linen will have to do, but it is not nearly as good.
Cut away as much of the corn as you can with a SHARP knife before you apply the plaster. It must be replaced in a fortnight or when you next WASH your feet, whichever comes first, if the corn is not gone by that time.
Mrs Finnegan’s masterpiece LOVE, LIFE AND LAXATIVES can be purchased from the finest shops in Brighton AND worldwide from Shanghaito Scunthorpe using this handy link https://mybook.to/Mrs_Finnegans_Guide
All proceeds go towards maintaining The Regency Town House and will be SQAUNDERED on lime plaster, electricity bills and other fripperies.
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14 comments on “What to do when the Weather is a trifle above Mild…Sensible Advice from Mrs Finnegan”
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well, cubbage must be ‘red-faced’ about this! i love your laws of nature and you are correct
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Cubbage might well be embarrassed if he were to read my comments but I think there is little danger of that. He has made it as plain as a pie dish minus its pie that he has no time for:
Housekeepers
Women who read
Women who write
Women who have an idea in their head
Women who can hold their own in a conversation.
In a word: Me!
In another word: You!
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Go fully clothed into the sea, and duck down until the water covers you. The wet clothes will keep you cool as you dry off on your return to the house.
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But what would the mistress say? Or the stable boys….
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“Browning of the skin”. How shocking and disgusting. Thank you for your – as always – excellent advice. I wonder if you advise Royalty? I think they are missing A Gem, if not. I really do not know how you find the time to be such a Genius when you have so much to do.
Your humble servant, Miss S
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I am delighted that you found this month’s missive useful. Prevention is better than cure as no amount of scrubbing will remove skin browning. One just has to wait for it to drift away.
I have left a copy of my masterpiece (Mrs Finnegan’s Guide to Love, Life & Laxatives) at the door of The Royal Pavilion in the hope that dear King William or gracious Queen Adelaide might have time to glance through it. I have heard nothing yet, but live in hope.
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Big smiles here! 😀
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Thank you.
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You’re welcome.
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My wife and I are looking forward to hearing about your new cook, Mrs. Pickles. We are really looking forward to her history and how she came about working for you.
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Mrs Pickles may well be mentioned in the future…I see her as a companion in arms in the fight against the scourge that is Cubbage
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Dear Mrs Finnegan,
You may have heard that I was in attendance at your house last Friday, and I hardly know how to tell you that I came across Mr Cubbage! He was extremely polite to me, knowing who I am, but I kept my countenance knowing about HIM. I hinted it to him in a manner which I think he understood, so I believe he will be wary should we meet again. He certainly has a shiftiness about him.
I am a little concerned about Mrs Pickles and wonder how much you know of her. I am hoping she is not the Mrs Pickles I certainly know of.
If I can be of service, you know I am always here.
Your faithful friend,
S
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Dear S
I urge you to reveal all you know about Mrs Pickles. In confidence, of course.
Yours etc
Mrs Finnegan
PS What were you doing in the House, if I may be so bold?
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I shall reveal all when next we meet. It may be gossip, of course, but one has to be careful when working with another in close proximity.
During my house visit last week, your charming housemaids were showing me some gowns. I believe they will be on show in the upper rooms on Sunday 26th July when your master is having a reception.
Yours,
S
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